Man's Take Magazine

Smooth Operator – Meeting Miss Right (Now)

Don’t Hate the Player – Hate the Game

So you’re a single guy, looking for Miss Right. If you can’t even find Miss Right Now, much less Miss Right, then this guide is for you. It’s time to end your long-standing relationship with Lefty, your five-fingered Princess Charming and get a real girl eating out of that hand. Make sure you wash it first, because otherwise you’re a disgusting pig who deserves to never get laid.

This is the first chapter in my Smooth Operator series. Here I will teach you the moves you need to be a true to life Smooth Operator with the ladies. I will also share some of my favorite dating stories from my own life, just for your entertainment. I hope you will learn to laugh at these things. Humor is powerful weapon that can deflect the devastation wrought by random acts of unkindness and perpetrated by that little tart who said she couldn’t wait to go out with you.

First of all, you should understand that romance is a game of persistence and subtly. You need to know the rules and your own limitations.

Here’s a quick example. The other day I was talking to a young man about the girl he was buttering up for a romp in the hay, and he said, “I’m usually pretty good at reading girls.”

My response was, “No you aren’t.”

I don’t even need to know anything about you to give you this same response if you make such a statement to me. You may think you can read girls, but you can’t (Unless perhaps you were once a girl yourself? Even then I’m not convinced). Plain and simple. You may have the ability to notice subtle looks, body language, and other factors, but you cannot possible be able to read the intentions of a woman, or have any clue as to how she wants you to act in regard to those subtle cues.

I’m serious about this. You simply cannot know because women are absolutely bonkers. Ok, maybe calling them crazy is a cop-out. The real reason is because chances are high they don’t know for themselves.

Let’s say you meet a girl and her immediate thought is, “I want to have his babies.”

What does that mean to you? Clearly she digs you. But will she go home with you that night? On one hand, she might really want to sleep with you, but then she might debate in her head the long term consequences on screwing you too early in your relationship. She might want to assess your interest by making you chase.

On the other hand, she might really value rockin’ sex and not want to waste her time with you if you have a teeny weeny or can’t perform in the sack. She might like a guy who takes charge, slams her up against wall, and rips her clothes off. Or she might call the police if you even try that. Screw her wrong, and lose her forever. How’s that for pressure?

So how can you know what the hell she wants and when she wants it? You can’t dude. Clearly you can try to ask her, but even that doesn’t give good odds. Worst of all, you can’t always win no matter which way you play it.

With that in mind, let’s jump ahead to one of my Man Rules for dating.

It’s better to apologize for being overly forward than to regret not asking for the rest of your life.

If you don’t ask or try, you’ll never know. My long experience in the dating world taught me that it’s much easier to deal with rejection than it is to deal with the regret of the unknown. I also learned many times over that you often will get one and only one chance with a certain girl. If you squander that chance, you may regret it forever.

I squandered some chances, and I still think about it. I don’t think any of those chances would have changed my life significantly, but I know that I missed out on some really good times because of my own insecurity or indecisiveness.

The next Man Rule could apply to most any aspect of your life that you aspire to, but in this case we’re going to apply it to dating.

If you aren’t failing or getting told no, you aren’t trying hard enough.

If fear of rejection is holding you back, consider the pain of the worst rejection you could possibly face. Perhaps a glass of gin and tonic splashed in your eyes, followed up by an open-handed right hook to the jaw. Then sprinkle in some cutting words that disrupt your general state of manliness, and a solid kick in the garbanzo beans for good measure.

Ask her now or lose her forever...

It sounds bad, but when you contrast that against the general state of misery that inhabits your lonely daily life, you’ll find it pales in comparison. The duration of that rejection is close to instantaneous in the grand scheme of things. Best of all, by the next day it can become comical in nature if you share it with the right friend. Just don’t pick some stupid prick to share it with who will bring it up every other day just to make himself feel better. A true friend will help you laugh about it and show you how utterly ridiculous it was.

Most men can’t find a date because they aren’t trying hard enough. When I was single, I was absolutely guilty of this. Worst of all, I would complain about it… mostly to myself, but occasionally to other single folks. In the end though, it was my own fault. I simply wasn’t trying hard enough.

Here’s the odd part. Sometimes when you aren’t trying hard enough, you are actually trying too hard. You try to be noticed instead of noticing. You try to find Miss Perfect, instead of Miss “Let’s Find Out”. You give off a dangerous vibe of desperation that repels women just like the fear scent of a struggling fish ruins your bait when you throw it back into the water.

You are marked with fear and insecurity because you are trying to be outgoing in a passive way. That often translates into creepy, which is never a good thing. Serial killers are usually the shy, quiet types, right?

Instead I suggest you just go after what you see. Don’t spend too long thinking about it, forget perfection, and don’t fret over having a clever line ready to splurt out.

Just introduce yourself and see if a conversation springs up naturally. If not, make a stab at being forward by asking for something… to dance, to buy her a drink, for her phone number, etc. If you get a smooth rejection, try for something else. Perhaps something a little less forward. Your goal is to get the date or get a double rejection failure. There should be no middle ground.

Here’s an example… You see a girl sitting at the bar, so you meander around the cluster of drunken morons and pop up right by her. You exercise patience by waiting a few seconds to see if there’s a smooth transition that will arise. Perhaps there’s something you can comment on to get her attention. Or perhaps she will turn and make eye contact, even if it’s accidental.

Nothing happens, so after a very short delay you continue on by introducing yourself.

“Hello. I’m Max.”

Hopefully at this point she reciprocates by giving her name. “Hi Max. I’m Joy.”

Now we’re making progress. You engage in conversation for a bit and finally you get down to the meat of it. You must close the deal by asking for follow up. Let’s assume you got a really good vibe from this chick and the conversation was flowing naturally.

You decide to make your move. “Hey Joy, there’s a Starbucks across the street. What do you say we get out of here and continue this conversation over some coffee?”

Good play my friend. Unfortunately you are turned on your head by a swift, “No thanks Max, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Ouch. She didn’t leave you much room to argue the point. Had she said she didn’t drink coffee, you could have modified the original suggestion. This is what we’d call handling objections in sales. It’s not an outright rejection, just an objection. But in this case you got outright rejected, so there’s no objection to even consider.

Don’t be discouraged. Woman are odd. Maybe this is just a test. It could be a test of your will, or it could be a test of hers (maybe she is in a struggling relationship and won’t give in to someone else so easily).

So you go for play number two: the phone number exchange.

“Oh, ok. Well maybe another time? Could I get your phone number?”

If you get this far, you’ve already won. It doesn’t matter what she says. What is the worst she can do?

She could say, “No you ignorant asshole. You’re nose takes up half your face, you’re shorter than Napoleon, you’re sporting more blubber than a blue whale, my cat is smarter than you, and you smell like a dead fish rotting in the sand. ”

Then she slaps you in the face, kicks you square in the balls, and then gives you two squirts of pepper spray with bright purple dye in it. Could it be much worse? Most women try to avoid conflict (especially with strangers in public), so I’d venture that this is well beyond your worst case scenario.

Even so, it’s really not that bad is it? Especially if you block the slap, step back to avoid the kick, and run like hell to avoid the pepper spray.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. Getting kicked in the balls will hurt you though. But you’ll get over it when they finally descend again. Pepper spray burns like a bitch, but it goes away in an hour or so. You’ll be fine.

Most likely the REAL rejection you’ll get is this, “I don’t give out my phone number.”

That’s really not so bad, is it? It even gives you a chance to save face and respond with, “Oh, I understand. Here’s my business card. If you get the urge, feel free to call me.”

About one in two hundred woman will actually call you on purpose. Another one in about the same pool will call accidentally thinking you’re someone else with the same name she met at a different place but… you know… actually liked.

In any case, you still win. You got the double rejection and you can rest assured that there wasn’t anything more you could do without bordering into pushy or aggressive. If you see her again some other time, you can try again without wandering into true asshole territory, but for now it’s time to move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just keep the fear scent off your fishing rod and don’t move it around too eagerly lest you scare off those fish.

I like to give people a real plan of action… so here is yours. I want you to go out this weekend to a crowded bar and practice. I suggest you go with a friend to provide encouragement. Let him (or her) know exactly what you’re doing and what your goal is. You can do this alone if you can’t find anyone to go with you. It’s a bit harder to follow through with and stay motivated though once you get rejected a couple of times.

So here it is. Your goal is to get rejected twice by three different chicks. That means you need to make two offers to each girl and have them reject both.

When you ask, I want you to expect them to say yes. Assume they will say yes and plan for a yes answer. If you plan for a no answer and expect a no, you may influence how they answer. Ideally you’ll leave the place with a bunch of phone numbers. But no matter what, you need to leave with double-rejections from three different women.

If you can do that, you’ll know you’re trying hard enough. You can sleep (alone) that night knowing that you didn’t miss any opportunities that a little more elbow-grease would have reeled in.

The first step to being a Smooth Operator is to become one with rejection. As your self-confidence grows this becomes easier and easier.

Go out and do it this coming weekend. Don’t wait. Write down your goal and don’t end your evening until you fulfill it.

One more thing… there are no excuses for not getting your rejections. I know, you’re going to come home and say there were no women hot enough to deserve your time.

Bullshit.

Pick three girls throughout the night and just talk to them. Follow the gameplan. Do not worry about how hot they are. If you need to delude yourself, just think of it as practice. Practice on the chicks who are “almost hot enough” so you get your rejections over with before the really hot one comes along and blows you off.

I repeat – a lack of women who are “attractive enough” is not an excuse. Let a trusted friend pick them out if you need to. You can select your own prospects when you’ve had more experience with rejection…

Next time we’re going to discuss the art of building anticipation how patient persistence pays off.

Related posts:

1. Smooth Operator – Part 3 – The Soul of a Lady’s Man
2. Smooth Operator Guide – Part Two
3. Why Men Can’t Understand Women

Keywords:dating, dating advice, meeting girls, meeting women, pick-up lines, picking up chicks, picking up girls, Relationships, smooth operator

2 Responses to “Smooth Operator – Meeting Miss Right (Now)”

1. scott pauley says:

   May 2, 2010 at 10:50 PM

   when is the next issue comin out
2. scott says:

   November 19, 2009 at 5:02 PM

   just wanderin when we get the next issue i am lookn 4ward to read the new smooth operator