Man's Take Magazine

Smooth Operator Guide – Part Two

Fishing with Bait

So… you want to be a successful ladies’ man. You want to score like a major league baseball player even though you look like you should be working for the Geek Squad.

Welcome to Part Two of the Smooth Operator Guide, where I coach you through your transformation into Mr. Suave from the creepazoid most girls currently think you are.

It’s important that you read Part One of the Smooth Operator Guide before you get too mesmerized here. It will help get you started on the right track. In the end none of this advice will really help you if you don’t get out and use it on women. Dating, much like business and other ventures, is really a numbers game. It’s like baseball… you can be a really good hitter even if strike out with 7 out of 10 girls.

Last time we talked about persistence and making sure that you actually go out and get rejected. If you aren’t getting rejected you aren’t trying hard enough. This time, I’d like to make the process a little easier.

Last time I had you fishing for your dream girl without any sort of bait on your hook. This really wasn’t fair, but it was necessary. You were trying to land the fish by sight, without anything other than your wit and charm to land her. You had to make up conversation and press for the next step in the game (usually a continuation of the evening in private or her phone number as a consolation prize).

But what if there were a way to get women to come to you and start the conversation? That would be pretty cool, right? There is a way, but you may not like it. I’m going to suggest you try it anyway because it’s truly amazing. This won’t work in a bar or club, but that’s probably for the best.

My experience says that not many long term relationships start in bars anyway. In fact, most start at work… and do you know why? I believe it’s because there was a work-related excuse or reason for the guy and girl in question to begin a conversation. I would guess in many cases that guy probably had weeks or months to figure out what he was going to say. Whereas in a bar you have about 5 minutes before she leaves or gets swept up in the crowd.

You can pick up a girl in a “friendly” situation such as work on your own. All you have to do is follow the old cliché and “just be yourself.” You’ll also want to learn some of the traits discussed in Part Three of this guide. But for now… we’re looking to meet women outside your every day circle of acquaintances. In sales we’d call these the cold leads, whereas your co-workers are warm leads.

So getting back to my crude and probably degrading fishing analogy: What is this lure you’re going to attach to your fishing rod to attract girls? That’s a figure of speech by the way, please don’t assume the term “fishing rod” is a symbolic representation of your manhood. Perhaps I should be more explicit and say outright that attaching some form of bait to your penis is not going to help.

If you’re a fisherman you know that using a lure takes special talent. You need precisely the right speed to get the proper depth and movement. It’s much easier to fish with live bait. You just plunk it on the bottom and keep the line tense. That’s exactly what I’m going to suggest here. Get yourself some live bait.

In this case your bait is going to be something small and cute, and hopefully breathing. I personally suggest a puppy or a baby. Either one will do, but they work in different places. For the record, a puppy is a canine that is less than six months old.

Small dogs do not count as puppies. You may think it’s the same, but it’s not. In fact, the best choice in a puppy is an 8-12 week old puppy that will grow to be really big. Likewise, when I say “baby” I mean infants and toddlers. By the time they’re talking semi-coherently they’re going to bad-mouth you and you’ll probably deserve it. Older children also have a habit of bursting into tears or a fit of rage if they can’t steal the show as soon as you start talking to a hot chick.

Please, please, please… don’t even think about buying, renting, or adopting a puppy just for this purpose or I will report you to the human society and they will shave off all your hair with a pair of grooming sheers and refer you to a veterinarian to get neutered. Likewise I probably don’t need to tell you that having a baby is going to cut you off from the dating world faster than you could cut your shoelace with a pair of bolt cutters.

The key to this whole exercise is to borrow someone else’s baby or puppy. Here’s a little tip in this area. Unless you are borrowing said creature from a male friend or family member that you are very close to, do not let on your reason for wanting to spend more time with Fido the Rottweiler puppy or BooBoo the Infant. You merely want to take an active interest and so you volunteer to help with the new addition.

So what do you do with this little creature once you have it? If the creature you scored is human, I suggest you go to the grocery store and run other typical “errands.” In general you want to hit malls, drug stores, grocery stores, and cruise up and down crowded city streets (in good neighborhoods). Women will come up to you almost non-stop to look at the baby. By the way, it’s extremely poor etiquette for them to try to touch the baby without permission.

We know babies attract women like little drooling magnets. Yes, you will probably look like the kid’s father, unless there’s some racial difference. And that’s fine because the father of a small child is safe. Unbeknownst to the hot girl who comes to coo and stick her tongue out at the kid, you are really a single dude on the prowl. Raaaaawwwwr!

You need to make it clear that you are just Uncle Max who was kind enough to watch the kid that afternoon for your sister. You should do this in a subtle yet clear manner, and use your own name. A denial of fatherhood should not be the first thing out of your mouth, or else you start to look like a man on the prowl. That kind of thing sends fear signals to your prey. They sense the hook in the bait and they flee for safety.

Save your explanation that you’re not the father for when she’s hooked. Then you can give a little tug on the line to set the hook and reel her in. That little baby will suddenly transform you into a sensitive, caring, and trustworthy individual, because some moron trusted you with his or her most precious thing in the world. Nice, huh? Just don’t blow it in the first 30 seconds. Proceed with caution and strike up some good conversation before you make a move.

If the hot girl you have your sights on does not come up to the baby, slyly park the kid near her and see if she takes the bait. If not, you could always ask her a baby-related question.

“Excuse me, miss… Could you help me with something? I’m watching my sister’s baby for the afternoon, and she forgot to tell me what brand of diapers he wears. Do you know which ones are best?”

There are dozens of places you can take a baby to attract attention, including restaurants, malls, and around town. Puppies are a little more difficult, because you can’t take them inside most places unless you pretend to be blind. I suggest walking it down the street in an upscale urban area.

If you can’t score a baby or puppy you can make do with an adult dog. Just make sure it’s not a goddamn Shitzu or Yorkie. Seriously, use a manly dog so you don’t look like you’re dog sitting for your grandmother.

Adult dogs don’t have the same attraction power that babies and puppies do, so here’s a trick that will give the animal optimal chick attraction power… fake an injury. Don’t really hurt the animal, you sick bastard.

All you have to do is wrap the dog’s paw with some gauze and athletic trainer’s tape. Say he cut his paw on a piece of glass or something. Some dogs won’t tolerate this, and you can even resort to the ridiculous cone collar. 

When walking the dog, make sure you clean up after the babe magnet animal so you don’t look like a scumbag who leaves dog shit around. Dispose of it quickly so you aren’t just another jackass carrying around a bag of dog shit. There are no pheromones in dog feces, so you really don’t want to be swinging it around like an incense censor in a Catholic church.

If you aren’t a dog person, you may need to practice before you go into the highly populated areas. You should have a firm hand with the dog that commands respect, but you should never ever appear overly harsh. Gentle command is appealing, but beating the dog or losing your temper is an instant show-stopper.

If you have a spayed/neutered adult dog then you might want to look for an urban dog park. These are great places to meet women because they really have nothing better to do than watch all the dogs run around and talk to you, even if you do look like a desperate loser that had to dress up a canine in order to attract women.

Remember that talking to the girl casually is not enough. As discussed in Part One of the Smooth Operator guide you need to seal the deal and get her to the next stage. Since you probably can’t take her for coffee with a dog or baby in tow, you’re going after her phone number. If that fails, you at least need to figure out how to run into her again in the very near future.

Stayed tuned for Part Three of the Smooth Operator Guide where you’ll learn the most important personality traits for attracting women. Until then, get out there and practice.

Related posts:

1. Smooth Operator – Part 3 – The Soul of a Lady’s Man
2. Smooth Operator – Meeting Miss Right (Now)

4 Responses to “Smooth Operator Guide – Part Two”

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