Man's Take Magazine

Real World Self-Defense for Men

Ok, so you’re a guy who wants to know how to protect himself in case some lunatic should attack you or your family. There are two things that quickly get in the way of learning real world self-defense. The first is ego… you have to put that aside and be willing to learn. This means accepting that you don’t already know everything and you couldn’t really be the next UFC champion without training.

The second thing is intimidation, which undercuts the fragile egos of many guys. Once again you have to step up and be willing to admit that you are ready to learn something new. You also have to find the right place to learn from so you don’t get your ass kicked. I’ll talk more about that in a moment.

I’ve personally been practicing and studying martial arts for over 25 years. I’ve invested thousands upon thousands of hours in training, earned a number of black belts, and been in plenty of competitions as well as real situations. I’ve trained thousands of students, including law enforcement, military, security, and up-and-coming MMA fighters. I also work as an executive bodyguard and security consultant.

I didn’t tell you all that to impress you, but rather to show that despite all of that, I still have lots to learn and I still train every week to keep improving my skills. I continually find myself up against opponents (fortunately most are friendly ones) who are bigger, stronger, and faster than I am, and even those with far more skill in certain areas. At least they’re not better looking as well.

The point of this is that all these years of training are for good reason… it’s not as easy as some folks would like you to believe. We should always train as though we’re the underdog. This analogy of underdog is not equivalent to that used in boxing or mixed martial arts either. Being an underdog in a one-on-one fight is far easier than being outmatched on the street.

When it’s simply a matter of skill, speed, and strength, it’s not so much of a problem, especially in a ring or cage with a nice cushy floor and a referee who can stop the fight at the first sign of serious danger. Out on the street you have to worry about multiple attackers, sticks/batons, bottles, knives, pepper spray, tasers, and of course firearms. You are literally fighting for your life not a fight purse and team pride.

The wisest thing you can do in any potential self-defense scenario is to attempt to diffuse the situation. Set aside your anger and ego and try be reasonably accommodating (but not necessary weak or timid). Your goal is to escape the situation with your health. You can get new credit cards and earn more cash, but you can’t get life back or that of your friend, spouse, kids, etc.

The key here is acting rationally and using your instincts to detect the level of danger. If you’re convinced the attacker(s) is out to kill you, then you must act decisively to neutralize the threat and escape the situation. If you think the person is merely out for a quick payday or wants to boost his own ego, then you can avoid direct confrontation, be more accommodating, and exit the situation as gracefully and rapidly as possible.

Try to knock down the adrenaline in any situation and listen to your instincts about the intentions of your attacker. Never show your martial arts skills until the second you plan to use them. That means you keep a normal stance and hold your hands out in a fearful warding gesture. If you drop into a sideways fighting stance and ball up your fists, the situation instantly escalates and you lose the opportunity to catch your attacker off-guard. Lull him into a false sense of confidence that you are going to be compliant and not try to karate chop him.

If the assailant hasn’t actually attacked yet, you should try to keep your fear in check as well, as that tends to make you look more like easy prey. Try to identify your quickest and safest exit route (toward well lit areas, friendly people, police stations, etc) and you may even think of something to distract the person when the time comes.

For example, if the person wants your wallet, you act in an accommodating way, trying to diffuse the situation. You identify your exit route. For a distraction you will drop your wallet just short of the attacker’s hand so his eyes follow it down and he has to bend over to pick it up… that’s the moment you run or attack then run, depending on what your instincts tell you. I’ve even heard of some folks carrying a spare wallet with expired cards in it just for this mugger scenario. I think that may be bordering on paranoid though.

We could spend volumes discussing the intricacies of self-defense, but instead I want to just leave you with a few tidbits of advice that will do the most good. First, if you’re serious about learning self-defense, and you should be, you need to start with the right attitude. Next you need to find a place to learn and an instructor to learn from.

You should be picky when it comes to selecting a martial arts or self-defense school. There are a number of good ones, but also there will be a number of poor choices for your situation. A good school for one person may be a terrible choice for another person who has different goals and motivations. If you just want some street defense, you don’t need to start training to be a fighter.

The process of selecting the best school and the best instructor for you is also a considerable topic. If you just want a quick self-defense class you can search online for self-defense arts and try a couple of local classes. On the other hand, if really want to get into martial arts, then you should read my book The Essential Guide to Choosing a Martial Arts School. It will help you navigate the complex world of martial arts training, select the right styles for your goals, and find instructors who are not only qualified to teach, but are good teachers and upstanding people.

There is a big difference between being a martial artist and learning some self-defense techniques. The martial artist makes a lifelong commitment to avoiding violence, yet trains to be able to take control of a situation. The goal of many martial artists is to be able to incapacitate or control an opponent, whereas the goal of any self-defense scenario is to escape safely. We can’t teach you to be able to subdue or pin an attacker on the street while the police arrive without extensive in-person training and practice.

In future issues of Man’s Take I’m going to show you some specific techniques you can use to get out of dangerous situations. I’ll also talk about the psychology of attack and the use of weapons in self-defense, including pepper spray, tasers, folding knives, and improvised weapons.

Related posts:

1. What is a Real Man? Defining Real Men

Keywords:how to protect myself, martial arts, personal protection, self defense for men, self-defense, street defense, street martial arts