Manliest Mixed Drinks of All Time

Join Today Free

Man’s Take Content

Man's Take Magazine. Where Men Can Be Men!

We Must Know…

What are Manliest Mixed Drinks of All Time?

There are rules to qualify for this honor. First of all, the drink must contain at least two types of alcohol. Shots of tequila don’t count, because it’s not a mixed drink… Stirring it before you quaff doesn’t count either.

The second rule is that the drink can contain nothing but alcohol (and possibly ice). Don’t even garnish the damn thing, please. These are manly drinks, not pina-freakin-coladas, got it? As it turns out, I rather like pina-coladas, but they still don’t count! And you can keep your pansy-ass Captain and Coke to yourself.

The third rule is that if the drink is made with grain alcohol, it’s manly… no matter what else is in it. You could squeeze petunia petals in it, dollop pink whipped creaming on top, and garnish it with broccoli and lace, and it would still be a very manly drink. Trust me, it’s a good rule. Just go with it.

The fourth rule is that if it makes your friend so drunk he passes out and pisses on your couch, you might want to get a new friend… and a new couch. You know who you are. And yes, I threw away the couch.

In an effort to avoid delaying our intoxication any further, here are the drinks in no particular order:

Classic Martini (gin or vodka): The Martini is just gin (or vodka if you prefer) and dry vermouth. We’ll make one exception to Rule 2, and you can garnish this drink with an olive, because that feels pretty manly. James Bond would approve. It is important to note that the fruity, chocolaty, fru-fru drinks restaurants are serving these days under the guise of a martini do not count. Just because it’s called a martini and is served in the right glass, does not make it manly.

Manhattan: The Manhattan is sort of like the contrapositive of a Martini. It’s whiskey, sweet vermouth (which is totally different than dry vermouth), and a dash of bitters. Since I made an exception for the olive garnish in the Martini, you may wonder if I’m going to exempt the cherry that normally goes in this drink. Suck it up, no garnish. No more exceptions. But if you do slip a single cherry in the drink, I swear not to tell anyone. More than one would definitely compromise your bravado.

Classic Boilermaker (Depth Charge Style): I think this drink gets the name from the boiling and churning that it causes in your stomach… This is about as simple as “getting drunk” can be. You take a shot of whiskey and drop the whole thing (glass and all) into the beer. Some call that a depth charge, for good reason. Don’t be a retard and pour the whiskey into the beer. Yes, you have to drink that sucker down. No sipping.

B52: This is my personal favorite. If you ask me, this is the best shot ever invented. Its invention was a work of unfathomable genius. This is more of a sophisticated man’s shot, rather than a roughneck biker drink like the boilermaker. It’s got some kick and it tastes really good. The name is even cool. It’s supposed to be made as a fancy layered shooter. You pour in Grand Mariner, Baileys, and Kahlua in equal parts in that order and the drink will be layered opposite to how you poured it. Yeah, whatever. Just pour all three and don’t worry about if they mix in your glass. Just drink it.

Irish Car Bomb: Kaboom! That’s what happens if you try to drive after a couple of these. The Irish Car Bomb starts with a shotglass half filled with Baileys and the other half Jameson. You drop that into half a glass of Guinness and suck it down rapidly. Even though it tastes roughly like chocolate milk, it’s still very manly.

Black Russian: This timeless classic is an equal mixture of vodka (pronounced wood-kah) by the true Russians, and Kahlua. I’m not sure what’s distinctly Russian about the coffee flavored liqueur Kahlua (which is said to come from the Yucatan). I suspect Kahlua only provides the black, and vodka provides the Russian. You can turn a Black Russian into a White Russian (don’t be a racist now, it’s a drink) by adding some milk, but don’t even think about it because then you’d be a drinking a girly drink instead of a manly drink.

Rusty Nail: The Rusty Nail is made from 3 parts Scotch and 1 part Drambuie liqueur. This is the one Rusty Nail that can’t give you tetanus, although I’m sure if you get creative enough or drunk enough you’ll find a way. It’s a good way to disguise cheap scotch or to take some of the super sweet out of your Drambuie. By the way, using good quality single malt scotch for this drink does not necessary make you more of a man. It’s just a waste of good scotch. Drink your single malt neat please and mix your blended scotch with Drambuie, then stir brisklywith an old nail. Ok, don’t really use a nail.

Cucharacha: This little number is a big improvement on the traditional “shot of tequila.” I was first shown the whole ceremony behind this by a random Mexican dude who I met during my “senior week” vacation. Good stuff. Great stuff in fact. You just drizzle some Kahlua in the bottom of a shot glass and then fill it up with Tequila. The ceremony involved lighting it on fire and then drinking it through a straw. Although fire is certain very manly it wastes some of that vital alcohol. So I suggest you forget the fire and the straw and just drink the damn thing.

Screaming Dead Nazi: This is an improvement over the original Dead Nazi by adding 151 Rum to it. Anything with 151 proof rum has to be manly. This is another three part shooter. It’s made with Jagermeister, Rumple Minze (or other strong peppermint schnapps), and 151 Rum in equal parts. Just pour them in a glass, chug it and try not to breathe near an open flame.

Harley Davidson: It sounds manly and it is. It’s actually a horrendous mix of Jack Daniels and Yukon Jack. We just had to work these two things into the list, and this drink does a spectacular job of it. This drink will put hair on your chest… or possibly burn it all off if you spill it. All you need to do is combine the two in a shot glass and drink it. Good luck and may God have mercy on your soul. You’ll most assuredly thank us for this one.

Jungle Juice/Grain Mix: This one qualifies under rule 3, allowing you to add other non-alcoholic ingredients to grain alcohol and still be manly. We allow this rule only because you could actually die from drinking this stuff straight… so just don’t do it. This drink in all its variants is just a mixture of anything with grain alcohol. You can try Kool-Aid or Tang, but we recommend you add some water to keep from searing out your throat and giving yourself an instant stomach ulcer. Gatorade might make for a good mixer here, or even Red Bull if you want to be ultra manly. Screw Red Bull and Vodka, expedite the process with Red Bull and grain alcohol.